I HATE my car...and my 101st POST!

I hate my car...there, I've said it. I don't care if she hears me. I don't give a shit.

Issues:

Problem #1:
My lower intercooler hoses and clamps keep popping off!...they can't handle the new boost!! When they do, the car stalls and the motor shuts down. Though very unusual, these situations have led to immediate turbo failure. If that happens again, I'll be liable to unleash hell on a complete stranger; intermittent explosive disorder episode, clinically speaking. In the least, they've caused excessive turbine spool and will definitely shorten turbo life. Yesterday, in the frickin rain, they blew out twice on the freeway. I had to pull over into the emergency lane, get on my ass and back on the wet asphalt, pray no one hits my car (at least that would be an instantaneous death), and re clamp the hoses. Thank god for my portable tool set.

Solution for #1:
Called SAMCO and ordered uprated silicone hose replacements. Contacted their tech dept. for a recommendation on a bonding agent to further maintain intercooler placement. Picked up Zebra high torque clamps. Will unclamp and clean out lower intercooler housing of any debris and wipe down all surfaces. Will DOUBLE CLAMP inlet out outlet for ultimate adhesion.

Problem #2:
My EVO Motorsports Diverter valves, the pair of DV's that I've never had to worry abou HAVE FAILED!! The springs have slackened and the piston and double "O" rings can no longer hold a vacuum.

Solution for #2:
The one silver lining in this process, called EVO Motorsports and they'll be shipping out a new set of their updated uprated diverter valves FOR FREE!! Finally, something good comes my way. Black billet and bad-ass. Saves me 400 bucks right there.

Problem #3:
My ECU is reading error code after error code that I CAN'T READ. All I see is that my check engine light is on and that car runs like shit. Basically, the dozens of sensors all over the motor is sending values to the ECU that is way off the charts. It's still attempting to acclimate to all the new hardware.

Solution for #3:
I'm taking it to the next level and purchasing a VAG-COM tool. It's specific diagnostic and programming software that you load onto a laptop and plug via COM cable right into your cars socket. I will be aware of EVERY friggin thing that's going on with the motor...even tiny misfires, which piston chamber, and all in real time. So I'll know exactly what's going on and clear the codes if necessary.

Problem #4:
BOOST LEAKS! I have 40 hoses, ranging from tiny and short to massive, and of every type, in all areas of my car. Even the smallest leaks can: lead to turbo failure due to overspool, lead to ECU error pings and subsequent limp-home programming, major power loss, motor stall, and drive-line shock.

Solution for #4:
FINALLY, finally picked up a pressure tester. I'll be pressure checking the motor immediately and every couple of days to see it there's even the smallest vacuum leak.

Problem #5:
My cats have yet to come in. The car is obnoxiously loud, and my test-pipe coupler is ill-fitting. It's drooping down soo low, I can barely drive into my driveway without scrapping, I'm talkin 2 1/2 inches of clearance.

Solution for #5:
When I get the cats, I'm telling them to cut the ends and weld the suckers to my cat back....end of story. No more clearance issues, and forget about the test-pipes. It's so loud, It exceed dB levels at all the local race tracks.

I just want the car to RUN for cryin out loud. It doesn't even have to pull 2.5 FAT's, sub-12's in the quarter, or sub-3 to sixty. I'm trully looking forward to the day when everything sorts itself out and the engine just humms away without any problems. I'm so traumatized at this point, I've become gun-shy, completely afraid to tach it out lest the engine blow...and that's no way to live your life man.